Women, as Jennifer Lawrence pointed out so eloquently in her essay for Lenny Letter about salary negotiations, are supposed to be "nice". We're not supposed to play hardball, step up to criticism, come out guns blazing, or stand our ground. We're culturally expected to couch any self-expression within apology, humility, and gentleness. Being assertive is not part of our set of cultural weapons, but it damn well should be. If you avoid conflict because, on some level, you believe it's not ladylike to get involved in deep, dirty fights, you may be doing yourself a serious disservice. Serial conflict-avoiders will have a series of unconscious manoeuvres to get out of fight situations.

Do you like to think of yourself as a good, nice, person who would never start a fight? You could be just as responsible for the dysfunction on your team as your aggressive, combative colleagues. That’s because it’s a problem when you shy away from open, healthy conflict about the issues.

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And while each of us generally has a preferred approach, instead of being avoidant or to seek out all the time, it is important to adjust your style based on the context and with whom you are having the conflict. Try to understand the views and perspectives of others involved in your confrontations and conflicts. Empathy can help you understand others’ perspectives and teach you how to deal with someone who avoids conflict how to become involved in conflict resolution without harming others. My reasons for shying away from conflict are mostly fear of hurting my loved ones or making them feel disappointed in me. Regardless, this instinct to avoid conflict can often cause us a host of problems in our personal as well as work lives. When Tim discovers the details of Suzie’s spending, he is devastated.

Strategies can include engaging in deep breathing techniques before the confrontation. For example, you might practice reminding your boss about your boundaries and that they agreed to your boundaries in the first place. You also might double-check your company’s policy on after-hours phone calls, as you can use this policy as a backup.

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Specifically, the research found that those who predicted a favorable relationship and pro-relationship behavior during relationship conflict led to greater relationship satisfaction and investment. Or maybe you begin by expressing why you haven’t mentioned your sadness over spending less time together. Perhaps you could suggest marking off a day each week where the two of you engage in quality time together. You could even ask if your partner would consider inviting you to the events they are going to. Also, the ideal timing and the best language choice for addressing an issue varies from couple to couple and from issue to issue. Nevertheless, there are some best practices to keep in mind when communicating with your partner.

• Conflict avoidance can manifest in many situations, whether it be personal relationships or in the workplace.
• Unlike Angry Cart Guy, most people don’t go around looking for a fight.
• Since conflicts are a natural part of the workplace, business or personal relationships, it is important that you should be able to manage and handle them sensibly, fairly, and efficiently.
• You might also consider asking a third party, such as your boss, to help mediate the dispute, or consider formal mediation.
• Some form of conflict is a normal part of our personal and professional lives.
• A partner who routinely crosses these boundaries may not be emotionally safe.

He became irritated with Jean not only with regard to the issue that triggered his tension but also about these differences. At other times he thought about past relationships or fantasized about other potentially more satisfying ones. His doubt about the relationship led him to emotionally withdraw and become less present with Jean. At times, he questioned whether he was meant to have a relationship at all.

Try anxiety-management techniques during conflict

When something makes you feel distressed or fearful, dealing with it head-on can make those feelings worse before they get better. Avoiding the situation entirely means you can suppress, ignore, or postpone having to sit with difficult emotions. Learning to fix avoidance coping means you can stop hiding and start living the life you want. Be sure to stay in the situation and fully experience your anxiety instead of choosing to escape. Unless you remain in the situation until your fear lessens you will not learn that there is nothing to fear. The first example is respectful and conveys a desire to preserve the relationship and resolve the conflict without drama.

A power struggle may ensue and often the dogmatic partner frequently resorts to unscrupulous means to “win.” The person on the opposite end tends to feel disrespected and demeaned. He or she is usually left with two choices; to surrender or counter in an equally ugly manner. So, I know first-hand how well conflict avoidance works (it doesn’t). I also know that assertiveness skills are effective and that they can be learned. And I know that assertiveness skills are the cure for conflict avoidance.

Ask yourself, Are they being rational and honest in their arguments? To have a good sense of their approach to the conflict so that you can make an informed choice about how to handle the disagreements. Develop your communication skills and learn to express yourself as assertively and constructively as you can, especially when faced with a confrontational situation. A simple verbal confrontation over sandwiches with a barista won't kill you. Fletcher notes that adverse life events, trauma, and chronic stress can all lead to avoidance coping.

• When you employ the avoiding conflict style, you don’t deal with a conflict at all.
• Avoiding conflicts and choosing silence might seem a good option, but it can only be temporary.
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